Original Post: December 19, 2025
Sorry for all the grammatical errors, I’m still pretty worked up. I (24f) have been with to my husband (26m) for 4 years married for 2. Everything is great between his family and I, and I consider us all to be very close.
Excluding my SIL (22f) Not that I haven’t tried to build a relationship with her, but I was warned by my husband the first time meeting her that she is very “territorial“ of him, and she has definitely lived up to that.
This ‘territorial behavior‘ has reared its head many times while we were dating. Some examples would be, asking my husband to sleep in bed with her on my first vacation with his family, after my FIL said he got my husband and I a separate room. Accusing me of being a gold digger and grooming her brother… he’s two years older than me. Sitting on his lap during our rehearsal dinner. The list could literally go on and on.
I do want to preface by saying every time she steps out a line, my husband and my in-laws correct her. But when called out she always blamed her BPD, and her horrible actions were always forgotten.
But after her behavior at our wedding two years ago, where she basically sobbed the entire day, and pretended to faint during our first dance (yes we know she was pretending my MIL called her out in front of everybody, and it was very embarrassing.) My husband had to have a talk with her and set some very firm boundaries.
Since that talk, she still calls and text my husband daily, but has pretty much stayed away from me. And has kept her outward dislike for me and public attention seeking to a minimum.
That brings us to tonight. My in-laws always host a huge Christmas gathering the week before Christmas for all the family, including distant relatives. We have always had a great time, and I’ve managed to stay cordial with SIL despite the dirty looks she was shooting me. But this year is different.
We announced that we were 10 weeks pregnant. My SIL threw a FIT. Ran out of the room loudly sobbing and slammed her bedroom door. Leaving what was supposed to be a happy time dead silent, with a few awkward congratulations.
My MIL rolled her eyes and went to follow her, but I stopped her and told her that I could go. I was hoping that this would finally be a time where we could actually have a conversation. And maybe I could get her to finally tell me after four years why she felt like I was such a threat. I was wrong.
I knocked on the door and went in and she immediately screamed at me to get out. But I asked if we could talk.
I honestly didn’t even know what I was going to say to her but I didn’t have to say anything because my husband and MIL came in behind me. My husband very harshly asked her why she always had to ruin things to get attention. (that’s been his stance the entire time. Not that she has an unhealthy attachment to him. But that she has a constant need for attention)
She asked him why he was so disgusting. Which obviously left him confused.
She then yelled “YOU F*** HER, ITS DISGUSTING”
My husband being his usual snarky self said “yeah sometimes multiple times a day. She’s my wife, what’s your point?”
My MIL laughed, and that sent her into a rage. She started screaming and hitting him like a freaking toddler.
By this point I had had enough. I can’t even remember what all I said only that, the only thing that was disgusting was her emotionally incestuous fixation with her brother. And asked if she wanted to f*** him because it kinda seemed like she did.
I realized I was screaming by the end of it.
SIL just covered her head with a blanket and cried. My husband tried to uncover her, but MIL took my husband and I downstairs. When we got down there pretty much everyone was leaving. And FIL looked like he could punch someone. So my husband and I left too.
I cried pretty much all the way home, with my husband trying his hardest to assure me I did nothing wrong. When we got home he told me to sleep, and went out to the garage while he called his parents. I feel bad because I truly do love my in-laws and don’t want to ruin our relationship. Now I’m lying here questioning if I spoke out of turn implying that it was more than just attention seeking.
AITAH has no consensus bot, OOP was NTA
Relevant Comments
Commenter 1: NTA. You just said out loud what your husband should say from the beginning, I know he spoke to her for what she did in your wedding, but what about all the other things? All the things she said about you? Sitting in his lap, really? That's disgusting.
Congratulations on your pregnancy and If you need to stay away from her for awhile for.your own sake, no one should blame you, that's her fault.
OOP:* He has addressed the overly touchy thing. And talked to her many times about embarrassing him, and looked weird, which she blamed on being manic. After the talk after the wedding he educated himself on bipolar disorder and realized that’s not how it works. And physically distanced himself from her. But stayed in contact over the phone.
Commenter 2: NTA at all. Her behavior is abnormal. I think you should leave that alone in the future though. Your reaction was warranted, but unhealthy for you. After years of it, im shocked you didnt call her out sooner. Hormones do that to you though.
Her family needs to intervene and seek therapy for her. Her actions and reactions are outrageous, irrational, and potentially dangerous. I've seen enough documentaries to be afraid of that happening. But that is not YOUR fight, it's hers and her families.
I do highly recommend staying away from her, and NEVER allow her near that child. Even watched. If she can act like that in public with everyone around at a wedding, she can snap while near the baby. I don't care if it makes waves with everyone, her reactions show she is a danger, and she could harm the child, or even you and your husband. Especially if her BPD is unmanaged(as it clearly is). I'd DISCUSS this possibility with your husband first, then have him discuss it with your in-laws. Tell them her actions made you feel unsafe and nothing will make you trust her. Express that you have tried, and you absolutely LOVE your second parents, they're always welcome....but she is not.
Your husband and in-laws are awesome though. Minus your SIL. Just wanted to add that. They are on your side.
OOP: You don’t have to worry. I will never breathe the same air as her again.
Update #1: December 19, 2025 (same post, hours later)
I just wanted to hop on here to say that my husband just got off the phone with his parents and they are extremely mad at SIL. He asked me if I seriously thought she thought of him in that way and this all stemmed from jealousy.
Apparently FIL has thought the same thing since an incident happened last year where me and MIL were talking about lingerie, and SIL locked herself upstairs the rest of the night. But he was trying to convince himself he was wrong.
I told my husband I don’t know if it was necessarily a physical attraction, but it is definitely jealousy.
All four of them are going to sit down tomorrow to have a conversation. I’ll update again after that happens. For now all is good and nobody thinks that I ruined Christmas lol.
Update #2: December 20, 2025 (same post, next day)
Ummm.. I just woke up and holy cow, I think I need to preface a little bit. I messed up in my original post, she has bipolar disorder not BPD. She started showing signs of depression at 15/16. Before this they had a normal sibling relationship honestly maybe less close than most siblings. This was before my husband and I were together. It was the height of the lock down and my husband had to return home from collage.
My in laws are essential workers, knew something was going on with her, and because my husband was home, he was tasked with watching after her. She was going to therapy at the time I believe. Long story short she attempted while he was home alone with her. He found her, and she was committed for 7 days and virtual outpatient. This was really hard on my husband. He felt responsible because he felt he should have been watching her better, knowing she was struggling. This lead him to overcompensate when she got home. Basically waiting on her hand and foot, begging his parents to get a baby monitor (a therapist recommendation) and even moving his bed into her room so they were sharing a room. From what she says she ‘hated it’ and teases him about it to this day. Everyone got therapy after the attempt.
After a couple months my husband was medicated for anxiety/OCD and began giving her space. And after 2 years of therapy he no longer takes the medication. She went through a manic episode the first few months of my husband and I dating, and was committed again. This time being formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She still receives treatment…
Now for a small update: my MIL called me and said she didn’t feel comfortable with me coming this morning for my own safety. But she didn’t want me to feel like they were hiding anything from me, so she’s going to call me during the conversation. My husband’s uncle (I think he’s an uncle TBH I have no idea how he’s related) is a psychiatrist and was there last night. Is going to be there. He was the one who suggested this ‘intervention’ so I guess he’s going to mediate. He doesn’t treat my SIL obviously but knows about her history.
Even though they are on my side, I think MIL and my husband think this is all some big misunderstanding. I think FIL on the other hand has been paying closer attention for a while and doesn’t have the same hope. SIL is apparently pretending nothing happened and is acting normal this morning. My husband has already left for their house so I’ll hopefully have another update soon. I’ll probably just comment on this post because this is getting long. But I really appreciate all the comments, and showed them to my husband this morning. I think he left with a better understanding with what he was dealing with.
*** I JUST POSTED AN UPDATE IN THE COMMENTS ANY AND ALL ADVICE IS WELCOME I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO***
Update #3 (in comments): December 20, 2025 (same post, hours later)
I don’t even know how to even write this out, I seriously feel like this isn’t real life. but I’m doing it now so I don’t forget details and I think it might be good for my own mental health to vent.
Like I said I read all the comments and messages to my husband early this morning before he left, including the ones suggesting he might be more at fault than he or I want to believe.
My MIL called me as soon as my husband arrived, I muted myself and have no idea if SIL had been told that I was on the phone or not. I could hear them all sit down and my SIL signed dramatically which caused my MIL to tell her that this was serious and that her behavior was unacceptable and needed to be discussed. I’m sorry if the dialogue is hard to read, but I can’t be bothered to do this more grammatically correct right now.
This is obviously not going to be the exact convo but as accurate as I can remember.
SIL: This is ridiculous, I’m sorry I hit you okay?
UNCLE: This is less about your physical assault and more about why you felt you were justified to hitting him at all.
FIL: Are you attracted to your brother?
HUSBAND (crying): please tell me if I have ever done anything to made you think that we were more than just siblings.
MIL: Please (FIL) you can’t really think she is attracted to (husband)
FIL: I do think that, and she obviously has a reason to believe it’s okay to act on it which is why we’re here
MIL: We’re here to try and help her with whatever she’s going through, not make ridiculous claims
HUSBAND: what did I do? Because I moved my bed in your room? I’m so sorry I was worried, you were young and I didn’t see it like that. I tried to give you as much privacy as I could I was just scared
SIL (crying): No you didn’t do anything like that! I just don’t like (me)
UNCLE: why don’t you like (me)
SIL: I just don’t.
UNCLE: that’s not an answer. What don’t you like about her.
SIL: she was mean to me
MIL: that’s a lie
HUSBAND: You’ve never been alone with her other than for bridesmaid stuff, and you were acting this way before then
SIL: It doesn’t matter what I say you think she’s perfect
HUSBAND: She’s my wife!
SIL: So what! She’s a wh***
HUSBAND: She was a virgin when we met. That doesn’t make any sense.
SIL: So am I!
-I want to say that this has always been something SIL brings up. That I was raised Uber religious, and was a virgin when I met my husband-
MIL FIL and HUSBAND all try to talk at the same time and UNCLE stops them
UNCLE: Why does it matter that she was a virgin.
SIL: (starts scream crying)
FIL: (yelling) I can’t do this you will tell us what the hell is going on right now!
-UNCLE tries to stop FIL I assume from standing up, I can hear MIL and HUSBAND crying-
FIL: You will be out of this house tonight if you don’t explain yourself.
-There was a long silence and lots of sniffling this is where things kinda getting rough so I’m trying to remember as best I can, sorry if there’s gaps-
SIL: says something about being naked
UNCLE: When were you naked
SIL: The night in the bathroom when (HUSBAND) found me.
HUSBAND: (obviously confused) what? I’m sorry, I didn’t dress you before the paramedics came but I was more worried about you dying…
he then says something along the lines of re playing that night over and over and it never once mattered that she was naked. Or stuck out to him.
-I think this is true because we’ve talked about that night many times and never once has he mentioned that she didn’t have clothes on-
SIL: (starts sobbing again)
FIL: you were the one who decided to attempt naked
UNCLE: (tells FIL to calm down) SIL why does it matter that you were naked
-another long silence..-
MIL OR HUSBAND I CANT REMEMBER: (ask again why it mattered)
SIL: (whispered) I chose to be naked
-FIL throws or slammed something and leaves the room-
MIL: you wanted him to see you naked?
HUSBAND: says something along the lines of being an adult at the time and how disgusting that was not to mention that she was his sister
UNCLE: Did you want (husband) to see you naked?
-I don’t think she answered the question-
SIL: I saw the pictures
HUSBAND: what pictures
SIL: The pictures she gave you at the wedding they wanted me to give one to you. (She then said something about him looking at them over and over during the reception and whispering to me during our first dance and that it was gross.)
-there’s a trend where you have each one of your bridesmaids give a boudoir picture to your husband during the reception. We did that. SIL refused and I accepted-
MIL: is that why you pulled that stunt at the wedding
UNCLE: so what do you want get out of this? By causing trouble in your brothers marriage.
SIL: I wanted him to come home.
UNCLE: and do what?
SIL: I don’t know
UNCLE: yes you do
-FIL comes back in and asked her if the only reason she committed was so her brother could see her without clothes on-
MIL: starts chanting no no no over and over
HUSBAND: what did you think was going to happen? I was going to leave (me) and be with my baby sister?
-MIL says she’s going to be sick and SIL just cries-
UNCLE: says something like her silence is the answer nobody has a choice but to believe the accusations if she doesn’t explain herself.. she still didn’t say anything.
FIL: you need help that we can’t give you
SIL: I just needed (husband)
I started panicking at this point and had to hang up. My husband called not even 5 minutes later and said he was coming home that nothing was said after I hung up.
He was sobbing and I have no idea what to say to him. He said he needed to go back on his meds and I agreed. He also said we were moving, I don’t want to do that but I don’t know wha else to do. I have no idea what’s happening with SIL and my husband said he needed some time before he could talk any more about it. I’ve never seen him this upset over anything.
And I know I shouldn’t, but I feel responsible. Not for marrying my husband, but maybe I did something to make her feel intentionally jealous. I know I probably should not have been so honest about my lack of sexual experience, but I was immature. I just don’t know what to do now or how to fix it.
Update #4: December 20, 2025 (same post, three hours later)
LAST UPDATE FOR A WHILE:
SIL is going inpatient. My husband called her a few hours after he returned home to formally go no contact. And I think maybe to see if this was all some sick joke. She had a mental breakdown.
Bringing up a specific instance when my husband had a normal male reaction after waking up in the middle of the night. She saw him in the hallway on the way to the bathroom and thought that normal male reaction to waking up was because of her. She was 14 he was 18.
Apparently she brought it up the next morning at breakfast in front of her whole family, my husband was extremely embarrassed and hadn’t even known she was even up.
Of course their parents explained that it was normal and to not ‘spy’ on her teenage brother. This instance was apparently what started her undying love. She said some truly disgusting things, that I will not repeat here.
When my husband told her that this was all in her head and that he had never thought about her like that, she threatened to commit again “to make him love her again”.
Needless to say the ambulance was called about an hour ago and I couldn’t imagine they wouldn’t keep her there.
My husband has switched from confusion to rage, but I believe anything he’s feeling right now is valid.
